Reconsider the History of Music With 30 Totally Feasible ‘Alternative Facts’
So, the ever weird, newly appointed White House counselor to the president — and Trump's former campaign manager — Kellyanne Conway, stated on Saturday that the new White House press secretary, Sean Spicer, had presented “alternative facts” when he falsely stated that Trump’s swearing-in ceremony drew “the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration.”
"Alternative facts" WTF?! Where most folks come from, facts are, in fact, facts! There's no alternative to a fact.
We here at CLRVYNT thought to ourselves, if we do somehow believe in the notion of alt-facts, then we must reconsider the history of music as well. Please give some hard thought to these 30 alternative facts:
- Metallica's ...And Justice for All has way too much bass.
- Gene Simmons ain't in it for the money.
- Maiden should have just kept Blaze Bayley.
- Those classical ambient Burzum albums are bangers.
- Dave Mustaine finally seems to have gotten over his bitterness with regard to getting booted from Metallica.
- It's so great that GN'R is back together!
- Mötley Crüe truly hit their stride with Generation Swine.
- Grave New World is the greatest Discharge album.
- Sex Pistols' second album should have been bigger.
- Phil Anselmo's tunes about racial harmony are where he really shines.
- There's nothing silly about Amon Amarth.
- A Day to Remember is hard as fuck!
- Rick Allen's newfound juggling career will be spectacular.
- Sepultura: WAY better without Max!
- New Tool album out soon.
- The production on those Darkthrone albums is SO GOOD!
- Judas Priest's Turbo: banger!
- Kingdom Come sounded nothing like Led Zeppelin.
- Ozzy never really needed that ghost vocalist he used while performing live.
- Madball's strong point is subtlety.
- Udo Dirkschneider is tall and handsome.
- Butcher Babies: all about the music.
- The drama surrounding the rights to the name Ratt is really interesting to fans.
- Lars Ulrich would be a fabulous drum teacher.
- Former W.A.S.P. axeman Chris Holmes' new reality show should premiere to huge ratings.
- Cannibal Corpse is a great soundtrack for hot yoga.
- Saxon is a good-looking bunch.
- Rap-metal: brilliant idea!
- 25 ta Life has a bright future.
- Everyone loves Hellyeah.