The road is not a pretty place. Tour Is Hell collects your favorite bands' war stories, some of which make Cormac McCarthy look like Dr. Seuss. Today, we talk tour with Zach Amster of Denver-based metal crew Abrams, who are not only earning Mastodon and Baroness comparisons, but dropping their killer sophomore album, Morning, June 9 on Sailor Records. Check out their answers, the brand new video for "Worlds Away" and some forthcoming tour dates below.

What album can everyone agree on in the van? What’s the most divisive?
We are all huge Brant Bjork fans. The cheesy lyrics and stoner grooves always make the drive vibe alright. Taylor [Iversen, bassist] knows every Katy Perry song by heart. It used to be a harder sell in the van until I saw his karaoke performance of "Roar." I get it now. Shit rules.

What’s the strangest gig you’ve ever played?
We opened up for a nü-metal act in Montana at a dirty, dirty "venue." The crowd was a mix of Juggalos and blue-collar suspender-wearing folks. All of whom were wearing the '97 tour shirts of the headliner. Nice folks, wrong bill for us. We ended up crashing at the venue and immediately got Hepatitis C tests.

Tell us about your biggest onstage clusterfuck.
Don't drink a whole bottle of Jameson to "warm up" in a Seattle winter. Rookies.

Describe your craziest afterparty.
My mom reads this stuff, dude.

How do you deal with going days or even weeks without a shower?
All you need is a faucet. 7-ELEVEN BIRD BATHS!

Be it an accident, crazy fan or place to crash, what’s your scariest experience on the road?
Long story short, I thought I was dying in Wilmington, N.C. We had a great setup that night. Nice kid let us crash at his parents' mansion on the beach. My arms went completely numb. So, being the hypochondriac I am, I woke the band up at 3AM. Drove to the ER to find out I am healthy. Went from the beach to the parking lot. Sorry, guys!

What’s your universal must-go restaurant or road stop?
In-N-Out is why we tour. Six dates in California, baby!

Who drives the most and least, and why?
Taylor is a machine! We overnighted from Denver to Salt Lake to record after a full 10-hour day at work. Eight Red Bulls and two packs of Tic Tacs later, he got us there without passing a kidney stone.

What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?
Twelve hours. What you got, Wino?

How do you try to stay healthy on the road?
Water. Water. Water. It's just us three on tour, so we are okay with sucking at partying. We take our performance very seriously, and safety is our number-one priority. Gotta take care of the body.

How do you amuse yourself on long stretches with nothing to do?
Chew gum. Ask if we thought that one dude's girlfriend liked our set. Think about where you can get away with masturbating. Masturbate. Book the next tour.

What do you argue about the most?
Burritos or bagels?

Jun. 9 — Santa Fe, NM @ The Underground
Jun. 10 — Bisbee, AZ @ The Quarry
Jun. 11 — San Diego, CA @ Tower Bar
Jun. 12 — Long Beach, CA @ Blacklight District Lounge
Jun. 13 — Los Angeles, CA @ Five Star Bar
Jun. 14 — Ventura, CA @ The Garage
Jun. 15 — San Francisco, CA @ Hemlock Tavern
Jun. 16 — San Jose, CA @ The Caravan
Jun. 17 — Santa Cruz, CA @ Caffe Pergolesi
Jun. 18 — Sacramento, CA @ Starlite Lounge
Jun. 19 — Reno, NV @ Shea's Tavern
Jun. 20 — Medford, OR @ Johnny B's Tavern
Jun. 21 — Eugene, OR @ Old Nick's Pub
Jun. 22 — Portland, OR @ The Kenton Club
Jun. 23 — Missoula, MT @ Monk's Bar
Jun. 24 — Billings, MT @ The Railyard
Jun. 25 — Salt Lake City, UT @ Club X
Jun. 26 — Cheyenne, WY @ Ernie November
Jun. 27 — Rapid City, SD @ West Dakota Improv
Jun. 28 — Minneapolis, MN @ Triple Rock Social Club
Jun. 29 — Chicago, IL @ Reggies
Jun. 30 — Des Moines, IA @ The Fremont
Jul. 1 — Denver, CO @ The Hi Dive