Two Inch Astronaut’s Hooks Will Help You Get Stupefied

Numerology > Vibeology. So, what better way to get to know a band than peppering them with probing numerical associations? Today we Count Off with explorative Maryland pop trio Two Inch Astronaut, whose latest J. Robbins-produced effort, Can You Please Not Help, is due out June 2 via Exploding in Sound.

1: Describe your band in one sentence or phrase.
We probably get along better than most bands.

3. Musically speaking, who’s your holy trinity?
Nina Nastasia, Rob Crow, Big L. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, the three of them could have potentially made a crazy hot song together: Rob and Nina on the hook, Big L doing the verses. Good lord, can you imagine?

7. If you won the lottery and could buy any instrument, gear, record or other music-related object you wanted, what would you pick and why?
Probably a lap steel, because they’re extremely expensive and cool as fuck. I don’t think any song has ever been worse for featuring a lap steel.

9. If you were a professional athlete, what would your entrance music be?
"Hot Boy" by Bobby Shmurda or "People = Shit" by Slipknot. I'm at my most primal when either of these songs come on. It's also fitting that the message central to both these songs is somewhere along the lines of "I have very little regard for human life." Though I don't feel that way at all, it might help me get my head in the game and make me look more intimidating than I am.

10: What’s your favorite album that’s celebrating its 10th anniversary in 2017?
Woof, I don’t remember 2007 as being good for much of anything. Maybe Da Drought 3?

12: What’s been the biggest challenge in your career as a band so far?
Taking it seriously, probably. We sort of hula-hoop on the edge of the band being just a fun thing that is meaningful for us and a handful of others, and it being something more. I think now we’ve sort of struck a balance between not sabotaging ourselves when opportunity knocks, but also not letting music choke off the rest of our lives. We’re lucky enough to have people we work with, and people in our worlds who allow for that kind of compromise to work pretty smoothly.

13: Do you follow any superstitions when you're on the road?
I used to have this mustard yellow shirt that was the only thing I was comfortable playing in, but I recently lost it, so we’re probably gonna suck forever. There was also one tour where I had to look in the mirror and say, “Virus dog” to myself a bunch of times before every set.

21: The band’s chilling out at a bar that has a jukebox and it’s your turn to collectively pick a song. What do you put on?
We’re collectively really into “Stupify” by Disturbed. It’s actually a very pretty song in addition to being hilarious — some really neat guitar stuff.

50: What’s your favorite American state / city to play?
Hmmm ... I’m kind of inclined to say D.C., but maybe that is against the rules. We’ve only been to Chicago a couple times, but there are some weirdos there that are very welcoming to us, for whatever reason.

51: Suppose you could pick any album you wanted and send it out into space for extraterrestrial life to enjoy (and hopefully spare the human race from intergalactic terrorism). What do you pick?
Going to refrain from the obvious band name quip and say Pieces of a Man by Gil Scott-Heron. Though, really, a better question would be, "What album should we give to them to ensure a quicker and more painless death?"